Life with the Brudfam

Today I am...

1. Feeling sad.  The Provo Tabernacle has been on fire since the middle of the night.  Here are pictures of the roof collapsing early this morning.  So many memories here from as far back as I can remember.  Stake Conferences.  Messiah concerts. Graduations.  Such a loss.

**Pictures are from KSL.com

 

2. Taking care of this sick girl.  Strep throat has got her down and out today.

 

3. Trying to finish up addressing Christmas cards.  Thanks to Drama Queen for helping me last night...she made these look so cute!

 

4. Counting down to the big day.  Still have shopping and lots of wrapping left to do.

5. Enjoying the holidays!  Trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but that darn Harry Potter (book 6, audiobook is downloaded on my iPhone and is all I want to listen to) keeps me from listening to any holiday music.  

Promises

My little Freckles is a worrier.  She was born that way.  And maybe it's genetic, because her mom was once a worrier too (and sometimes still is).  

When Freckles was just 14 months old, Blue Eyes was born and stole the limelight from her.  Pulled the rug from right under her two little feet that just learned to walk the weekend Blue Eyes was born. She didn't get to be a baby long enough.  

And then when Freckles was 16 months, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time.  It was a traumatic time for all of us.  But it was particularly hard on Freckles.  She hated being away from me.  And I couldn't care for her.  I had pretty major surgery and was in the hospital for several days.  When I came home, I couldn't lift my arms or move much.  I couldn't pick up my girls or hold them.  My mom came and helped and took such great care of all the girls.  And me.  But Freckles wanted me to take care of her.  And when my mom had to leave and care for my dad who was having surgery, my neighbors and ward members came and took my kids every day.  Hannah would cry and cry.  I would cry and cry.  It was such a helpless feeling that I couldn't do my job as a mother.   After I started to heal from my surgery, I started chemotherapy and had weekly procedures to prepare for reconstruction surgery, and then finally more surgery.  It was nine months of turmoil.  And also nine months of joy.  The little things suddenly meant so much more.  When we look back at that time, we mostly remember the good. The miracles. The blessings.

Since that time, she has carried a lot of anxiety.  Asking lots of what-if questions.  Wondering if each bump or ache or cut is something really serious.  Is she going to die? Is there going to be an earthquake? Is the canker sore in her mouth really a tumor?  Rarely have I been able to give her answers that will soothe her.  Because I can't take the worry away from her, no matter what I say.

When she was little, she loved to pack little purses with her toys.  She always had a little purse (or big one) on her shoulder with her stuff in it.  And now she carries a little bag full of worries and concerns. Most of them are about her health.  She is so scared something bad will happen to her.  I do my best to comfort her and assure her that all is well.  And then she looks at me with those big brown eyes and begs me to promise her that nothing is wrong with her.  And that's where I fail her.  Or maybe that's where I'm true to her.  Because I can't guarantee it.  I can promise her that everything will be ok in the end, everything always has a way of working out, but I can't stop life from happening.  I am not in control of that.  

How do you teach a child that?  How do you explain that we are in the Lord's hands, that our job on earth is to do the best we can with whatever comes our way.  That bad things happen sometimes. But that we can't live in fear or worry because most of the time, life is really great.  And no matter how much you worry about something, worry won't change or fix it.  I want her to enjoy life and be carefree. Worry is like a thief, stealing away precious time. I want to teach her to be brave and strong, to not let that thief steal her childhood.   Wish me luck.

Eighteen years and counting

I met The Guy when I was only 19.  We dated a year and a half before we wed when I was 20.  Little did I know what a great husband he would make.  He is the best.

To celebrate our 18th anniversary, we went to our favorite temple (where we were married as well as both of our parents) to do sealings.  I loved hearing those beautiful promises again and recommitting myself to be a better wife.  Not in the cook more, clean more way.  But to love unconditionally.  To remember that the Lord is a third partner in our marriage.  And to make our relationship and our family my number one priority.

And now, 18 reasons, plus one for good measure, why I love The Guy:

1. He encourages and believes in me.

2. He reminds me not to gossip or speak ill of others.

3. He loves our girls.  A lot.

4. He cared for me through three pregnancies, three victories over cancer, lots of trials and tests of our faith, as well as lots and lots of good times.

5. He puts up with my emotions.

6. He tells me I am beautiful, even when I think I'm not.

7. He works hard for our family.

8. He believes in himself.

9. He encourages me to be independent.

10. He tells me that I can when I think I can't.

11. He blesses our home with the priesthood.

12. He patiently answers 20 calls from his daughters/me each day and never gets frustrated or bugged that we call him so much.

13. He is handsome.

14. He is romantic.  I love it when he writes me love notes.

15. He loves his family.

16. He loves my family.

17. He loves the Lord.

18. He makes breakfast for the girls every day of school.

19. He wants to be with me forever.  Lucky me.

 

We may have more wrinkles (and one of us has a lot less hair), but we are certainly more in love and more committed than we were 18 years ago.  And we were crazy in love then.  I can't wait to see what the next 18 have in store for us.

I love my sisters

I have the best sisters.  They have become my best friends (and who would have thought that twenty years ago?  Not me.).  And working together has brought us even closer. We are so lucky.  We work hard at it. And we have a lot of fun together.

My mom snapped these photos before an important business meeting we had a few weeks ago and I love them.  The pictures and the sisters.

How awesome is it that we all three managed to blink at the same time.  Seriously.

 

8 things

 

in an attempt to appreciate each moment, here is a list of 8 things I'm grateful for today....

1. the fridge in my garage:  combined with the cold temperatures outside, my fridge is exceptional at cooling my cans of coke Zero to slightly slushy when I open them. perfection!

2. sugar contracts:  my sisters colette & jenn, and sister-in-law, marci, made a contract that we wouldn't eat sugar until May (with a few exceptions, i.e. Valentines day & birthdays, and 1 square of dark chocolate a day).  this contract is keeping me on the straight and narrow, and without it I would be indulging in cinnamon bears and valentines candy corn all day long.  if only we had made an exercising contract...

3. texting:  the guy texts me little messages and reminders that cheer me up daily.  except yesterday.  when I inquired as why he i didn't receive any texts, he said he didn't want me to take them for granted.  either that, or he forgot.  either way, it makes my day whenever I get them!

4. texting (again):  I put a Subway sandwich, chips and drinks in drama queen's locker today for lunch. and she immediately sent me a sweet text thanking me.  she is such a great girl.  i adore her.

5. pens & paper: both freckles and blue eyes love to use paper to make all sorts of artworks....notes, sketches, drawings, stories, even paper wallets and folders and spy cards.  i love finding them all over the house.  i love those girls!

6.  jack bauer:  nearly every evening for the last two weeks, the guy and i try to get the girls down to bed at a decent time so we can watch an episode or two of 24.  we are nearly thru last season.  we love watching it on DVD so we can watch more than one episode a week. 

7. this quote: "Revelation need not all come at once. It may be incremental. 'Saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more' (2 Nephi 28:30). Patience and perseverance are part of our eternal progression."  ---Russell M. Nelson

i came across it this week and was grateful for the reminder that sometimes things take time.  answers take time.  which is quite humbling for someone like me who wants to know everything NOW!  this came at a timely moment, as i have for months and months been seeking some pretty big answers.  and the answers have been fairly elusive.  but now i can see that they have come, here a little and there a little.  reminder to self: work on patience and perseverance.

8. my parents: always there for me in time of distress or need, good times and bad.  they have recently offered support in substantial and incomprehensible ways.  and their example of unconditional love and service to others continually amazes me.  

fond farewell

Gathered around Granddad, December 14th  (Jennifer, Nicole, Colette & Michael)

 About a week and a half before Christmas, my parents went on a cruise to celebrate their anniversary.  Of course, just a few days after they left, my granddad's pacemaker stopped working, and the doctor told him he had a few hours to a few days to live.  Of course, the first thing that came to mind (other than, how in the world are we going to get in touch with my parents!) was, I need to go say goodbye to him.  So my siblings and I joined together and headed up to Logan to see him.  

We arrived there and the mood was pretty somber.  We sat around him, and started talking about his life.  We shared some of our favorite memories and he shared some of his, and we talked about my grandma, who passed away over 30 years ago.  He told us how they met in 7th grade, went to the prom in 10th grade and how he proposed on Lover's Lane (he knew where Lover's Lane was, he said, because he had taken other girls there before.  We got a chuckle out of that!).  And he shared other sweet stories with us.  We laughed and we cried together.  And then we tearfully said goodbye.  It was one of the sweetest experiences of my life.  

And then we left, thinking he could go at any time.  I finally was able to get a message to my parents and talked to them the next day.  They tearfully said their goodbyes over the phone, and shared sweet and tender memories.  The next day, he was still there, so they called again, and said goodbye again.  And the next day, and the next day.  They finally arrived home.  We thought he was hanging on to see them one last time.  So they spent the day with all of my aunts and uncles surrounding him, and said goodbye again. 

Amazingly, he didn't go.  He started feeling pretty good.  Good enough that he could go take his meals in the cafeteria of the rest home he lived in. He even went to Bingo.  And church.  That lasted a few weeks and then on January 13th, he started declining, and passed away in his sleep on the 14th, one month to the day that his pacemaker failed.  

93 and 3/4 years.  I have a box full of memories, tucked away for safe keeping in my heart.  From sharing a tea party with him when I was 4, to watching him ride a camel in Egypt, to the time he took my friends and me (obnoxious and giggly 16 years olds) on a tour of Tooele in the back of the old yellow truck, to sharing in my wedding and the lives of my children, who love him dearly too.  Until we meet again, Granddad....I love you!

All of his grandkids (with the exception of 2) on the day of the funeral.

The house my dad grew up in and that my granddad lived in until a few years ago.

My dad and Aunt Susan sharing a laugh at the cemetary.  I love this picture!

I love this picture of my beautiful mom, my dad and my cousin Taylor.

  My brother Daniel and his family drove from Mississippi to be there.  Apparently that's a dang long road trip with three little kids! 

baby, it's cold outside

Actually, it wasn't very cold outside.  It was about 20 degrees warmer tonight than it has been all week (even during the day).  Perfect for a night on the town to get in the Christmas spirit!

My dear, sweet friend Janice had two extra tickets to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert with Natalie Cole.  Thank you!  She has given us tickets three years in a row!  We loved going.  We stopped by Market Street on our way and had a quick bowl of clam chowder and shared the raspberry almond tart for dessert.  mmmmm.  
Afterwards, we walked thru Temple Square and looked at the lights.  It was so magical.

I love the way the temple was glowing behind us.

* In case you were wondering, yes, that is a lime green Shrek cap The Guy is wearing.    

Yes, I did...

 I just had a most amazing, creative, inspiring weekend.  Thanks to my dear friend Heidi Swapp, I had a serendipitous encounter with the Spark ladies (Margie, Liz, Rhonna & Jefra) and was somehow invited to attend SPARK! (thank you, thank you, thank you very much, Margie!!)  Seriously. One of the most fabulous and fun weekends of my life.   

Walking into This is the Place Park was absolute magic.  Flowers, garlands, ribbons, banners, candles, lace and streamers hung from every tree and building.  

But that was just the beginning.  What we found inside was even more magical.  Fabulous classes and hands-on demonstrations. (I even learned to crochet, which I am thrilled about.)  I was like a sponge, just soaking in all the delicious, hands-on, tactile and 

And I left SPARK filled with inspiration, new ideas, creative energy, and new friends.  Loved getting to know these women and learn their stories and share with eachother.  I must admit at first I was a bit intimidated since I was by myself. No security blanket by my side.  But it didn't take long for me to find beautiful, charming and all around lovely new friends....

See what I mean?  I only managed to put my foot in my mouth once (that I can think of).  It might have involved asking two ladies if they were mother and daughter.  They weren't.  Friends.  Oops.  After it came out of my mouth, I knew I shouldn't have said it because although they clearly were not the same age, the difference wasn't that big either.   

Other than that, things went well.  I even had a moment in the spotlight, when I was asked to share my experiences with breast cancer at the final dinner before the auction (which raised funds for the Susan G. Komen Foundation--how cool is that!).  Each attendee was asked to bring a handmade item and I was blown away by the talent and generosity of everyone there.  

It was a perfectly perfect weekend!

 

only I didn't say Heaven's....

 My mother never ever swore while I was growing up.  Ever.  To this day, I haven't heard a single cuss word come out of her mouth (although she came close in 1988 when one of her children was certainly deserving of being sworn at.  But I'm not pointing fingers, Michael) I'm not much of a swearer myself; in fact, I have taken pride in not swearing in front of my children either.  Until recently.

It's hard to picture my sweet children giving me a hard time.  But occasionally it happens.  Let me set the scene on this particular day...it was a Saturday.  The Guy had a chance to go golfing with some buddies and I was all for him getting out and enjoying himself. So the girls and I worked on chores and getting the house cleaned up.  But soon things headed south and all three girls were angry and upset at me for making them do something they didn't want to do.  The details aren't important.  The point is, after an hour and a half of hysterics, I hit breaking point. 

"Stop crying and just do it, for Heaven's sake," I yelled.  Only I didn't say Heaven's.  I said the H word. Which sent Drama Queen into hysterical laughing and the other two into deeper hysterical crying.  

It's a good thing The Guy turned off the ringer on his cell phone while he golfed. He had several messages and a text waiting when he finished golfing.

From Blue Eyes, who maintained control of herself and very bravely articulated her disappointment in me:  "Dad, I'm sorry to bother you while you're golfing.  I guess I shouldn't tell you what mom did over the phone.  But, well, oh I don't know.  Ok, fine.  Mom said the H word at us today.  Ok bye."

Freckles wasn't able to contain her emotion on her message:  "Dad. sob. sob.  Come home.  We need you here.  Mom called me the H word today.  sob. sob. sob.  Please come home."

And then I texted him: "The girls were hysterical today.  I said the H word.  And I don't regret it."

And well, I still don't.  After they settled down, the girls actually did what I asked them to do.  It's like my dad once told me (and I've only heard him swear twice), "there's a time and a place to swear."  I guess I figured out mine.

inversion, inversion, go away...

this cold, smoggy, yucky January weather has me feeling the blues.  

maybe if I get caught up on my laundry I'll feel a little better.  but probably not.  

what would make me feel better is clear skies, the sun on my face and a maple donut.  

(and I already ate one tonight.  I don't know what my obsession is lately, but I love them.  tonight it was a banbury cross donut, and it was sooo good...)