Life with the Brudfam

Grateful

We had a lovely Thanksgiving yesterday. We spent it at my parents home and ate a delicious and beautiful meal.  It couldn't have been nicer.  Until about 2 am this morning when I awoke with the flu. Spent some lovely time kneeling over my toilet and am in bed trying to kick this thing. I couldn't help thinking all day about what I am grateful for...in no particular order.

 

1. My faith.  Without the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life, I can't imagine what my life would be.  And without the redeeming power of the atonement, I would be resigned to a life without hope.  Strength and courage to go on in difficult times are just two of the blessings from .

2. My sisters. I love them. Who would have thought we would end up being so close, loving working together and growing in unexpected and exciting ways together.  So happy that my sisters are my best friends.

3. My parents.  The selfless service and loving examples are inspirational to me.  I couldn't ask for better parents.

4. My brothers.  The are funny, smart and still put up with me. (I might have been a nagging, obnoxious older sister.  maybe.)

5.  A warm, safe home. As all things in my life, it's a work in progress (my project list is a mile long), but I am grateful for it.

6.  My 3 little girls, who aren't really little anymore.  Being a mother was always an important and driving force in my life.  And as hard as it sometimes is, it's also the most rewarding, meaningful and joyful blessing in my life.

7. My husband. Soulmate. Best friend extraordinaire. My biggest fan. My sounding board. He puts up with a lot in our house full of girls and he's managed to do it patiently and humorously. I adore him.

8. I don't take my good health for granted.  I've been blessed with a body strong enough to battle and beat cancer three times, and I feel so fortunate to still be here.  And I am working harder at taking better care of it.

9. Dear and loyal friends.  Who listen and encourage and stand as amazing role models for me.

10. A whole lot of trivial yet very handy + helpful "things".  My iPhone (and all things Apple). A car that runs after 9 1/2 years. A new furnace. The internet. Lip gloss.  My dog (ok, she is neither trivial or handy, but I love her). DVR so I can watch an occasional tv show.

Of course, there are lots of other tender mercies, blessings and things that fill my gratitude list this year. And I am so very grateful for them all.

Promises

My little Freckles is a worrier.  She was born that way.  And maybe it's genetic, because her mom was once a worrier too (and sometimes still is).  

When Freckles was just 14 months old, Blue Eyes was born and stole the limelight from her.  Pulled the rug from right under her two little feet that just learned to walk the weekend Blue Eyes was born. She didn't get to be a baby long enough.  

And then when Freckles was 16 months, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time.  It was a traumatic time for all of us.  But it was particularly hard on Freckles.  She hated being away from me.  And I couldn't care for her.  I had pretty major surgery and was in the hospital for several days.  When I came home, I couldn't lift my arms or move much.  I couldn't pick up my girls or hold them.  My mom came and helped and took such great care of all the girls.  And me.  But Freckles wanted me to take care of her.  And when my mom had to leave and care for my dad who was having surgery, my neighbors and ward members came and took my kids every day.  Hannah would cry and cry.  I would cry and cry.  It was such a helpless feeling that I couldn't do my job as a mother.   After I started to heal from my surgery, I started chemotherapy and had weekly procedures to prepare for reconstruction surgery, and then finally more surgery.  It was nine months of turmoil.  And also nine months of joy.  The little things suddenly meant so much more.  When we look back at that time, we mostly remember the good. The miracles. The blessings.

Since that time, she has carried a lot of anxiety.  Asking lots of what-if questions.  Wondering if each bump or ache or cut is something really serious.  Is she going to die? Is there going to be an earthquake? Is the canker sore in her mouth really a tumor?  Rarely have I been able to give her answers that will soothe her.  Because I can't take the worry away from her, no matter what I say.

When she was little, she loved to pack little purses with her toys.  She always had a little purse (or big one) on her shoulder with her stuff in it.  And now she carries a little bag full of worries and concerns. Most of them are about her health.  She is so scared something bad will happen to her.  I do my best to comfort her and assure her that all is well.  And then she looks at me with those big brown eyes and begs me to promise her that nothing is wrong with her.  And that's where I fail her.  Or maybe that's where I'm true to her.  Because I can't guarantee it.  I can promise her that everything will be ok in the end, everything always has a way of working out, but I can't stop life from happening.  I am not in control of that.  

How do you teach a child that?  How do you explain that we are in the Lord's hands, that our job on earth is to do the best we can with whatever comes our way.  That bad things happen sometimes. But that we can't live in fear or worry because most of the time, life is really great.  And no matter how much you worry about something, worry won't change or fix it.  I want her to enjoy life and be carefree. Worry is like a thief, stealing away precious time. I want to teach her to be brave and strong, to not let that thief steal her childhood.   Wish me luck.

Eighteen years and counting

I met The Guy when I was only 19.  We dated a year and a half before we wed when I was 20.  Little did I know what a great husband he would make.  He is the best.

To celebrate our 18th anniversary, we went to our favorite temple (where we were married as well as both of our parents) to do sealings.  I loved hearing those beautiful promises again and recommitting myself to be a better wife.  Not in the cook more, clean more way.  But to love unconditionally.  To remember that the Lord is a third partner in our marriage.  And to make our relationship and our family my number one priority.

And now, 18 reasons, plus one for good measure, why I love The Guy:

1. He encourages and believes in me.

2. He reminds me not to gossip or speak ill of others.

3. He loves our girls.  A lot.

4. He cared for me through three pregnancies, three victories over cancer, lots of trials and tests of our faith, as well as lots and lots of good times.

5. He puts up with my emotions.

6. He tells me I am beautiful, even when I think I'm not.

7. He works hard for our family.

8. He believes in himself.

9. He encourages me to be independent.

10. He tells me that I can when I think I can't.

11. He blesses our home with the priesthood.

12. He patiently answers 20 calls from his daughters/me each day and never gets frustrated or bugged that we call him so much.

13. He is handsome.

14. He is romantic.  I love it when he writes me love notes.

15. He loves his family.

16. He loves my family.

17. He loves the Lord.

18. He makes breakfast for the girls every day of school.

19. He wants to be with me forever.  Lucky me.

 

We may have more wrinkles (and one of us has a lot less hair), but we are certainly more in love and more committed than we were 18 years ago.  And we were crazy in love then.  I can't wait to see what the next 18 have in store for us.

I love my sisters

I have the best sisters.  They have become my best friends (and who would have thought that twenty years ago?  Not me.).  And working together has brought us even closer. We are so lucky.  We work hard at it. And we have a lot of fun together.

My mom snapped these photos before an important business meeting we had a few weeks ago and I love them.  The pictures and the sisters.

How awesome is it that we all three managed to blink at the same time.  Seriously.

 

Watch this

this is an amazing video that really puts motherhood and life in general, into perspective.

just make sure you have a tissue...

8 things

 

in an attempt to appreciate each moment, here is a list of 8 things I'm grateful for today....

1. the fridge in my garage:  combined with the cold temperatures outside, my fridge is exceptional at cooling my cans of coke Zero to slightly slushy when I open them. perfection!

2. sugar contracts:  my sisters colette & jenn, and sister-in-law, marci, made a contract that we wouldn't eat sugar until May (with a few exceptions, i.e. Valentines day & birthdays, and 1 square of dark chocolate a day).  this contract is keeping me on the straight and narrow, and without it I would be indulging in cinnamon bears and valentines candy corn all day long.  if only we had made an exercising contract...

3. texting:  the guy texts me little messages and reminders that cheer me up daily.  except yesterday.  when I inquired as why he i didn't receive any texts, he said he didn't want me to take them for granted.  either that, or he forgot.  either way, it makes my day whenever I get them!

4. texting (again):  I put a Subway sandwich, chips and drinks in drama queen's locker today for lunch. and she immediately sent me a sweet text thanking me.  she is such a great girl.  i adore her.

5. pens & paper: both freckles and blue eyes love to use paper to make all sorts of artworks....notes, sketches, drawings, stories, even paper wallets and folders and spy cards.  i love finding them all over the house.  i love those girls!

6.  jack bauer:  nearly every evening for the last two weeks, the guy and i try to get the girls down to bed at a decent time so we can watch an episode or two of 24.  we are nearly thru last season.  we love watching it on DVD so we can watch more than one episode a week. 

7. this quote: "Revelation need not all come at once. It may be incremental. 'Saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more' (2 Nephi 28:30). Patience and perseverance are part of our eternal progression."  ---Russell M. Nelson

i came across it this week and was grateful for the reminder that sometimes things take time.  answers take time.  which is quite humbling for someone like me who wants to know everything NOW!  this came at a timely moment, as i have for months and months been seeking some pretty big answers.  and the answers have been fairly elusive.  but now i can see that they have come, here a little and there a little.  reminder to self: work on patience and perseverance.

8. my parents: always there for me in time of distress or need, good times and bad.  they have recently offered support in substantial and incomprehensible ways.  and their example of unconditional love and service to others continually amazes me.  

Thankful

As I've been baking pies {2 chocolate cream, 1 banana cream, 2 pumpkin} and folding laundry all evening, The Guy has been finishing Christmas lights outside (he is the king of exterior illumination--post to follow shortly on that one!) and the girls have been dragging out all the Christmas boxes and basically spreading the Christmas cheer through-out the house (which means Christmas stuff is scattered everywhere!).  And now the little ones are all bathed and clean and ASLEEP, and Drama Queen and a friend are quietly hanging out upstairs, while The Guy watches the Jazz game that he DVR'd earlier tonight.  

I can't help but feel extremely grateful for so many things....

:: an adoring and adorable husband who loves me forever...and vice versa

:: 3 sweet and sometimes sassy girls

:: my ferocious and fiesty dog

:: my church and my Savior

:: decorating magazines, blogs, working with my sisters

:: my exemplary father and mother, my little brothers who aren't so little

:: food, clothes and a lovely home (that I am constantly wanting to change)

:: my health, modern medicine, my dear friends

:: spray paint, velcro and ziplock baggies

:: my Mac(s), iPhone and iPod (thank you Apple)

:: an awesome date last Saturday night

:: and I would be re-miss if I didn't say 7-11 and diet coke

:: the 60 teenage girls I spend Sundays and Wednesday nights with + the amazing women who do it with me

::  my 9-month stint at piano lessons this year, cheaper gas prices, and hot showers

Out of Small & Simple Things

I love this quote:

"In the meridian of time, among other things, the gave a touch here, a kind word there, food (both real and spiritual) to the hungry, advice and counsel to those in need. He gave prayers with the frightened, kindness to the passed-over, respect and affection for the children, loving care for those who are burdened. “And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about 

great things."

--Stephen A. West

Sometimes it feels like the things we do don't make a difference.  I especially feel that way in my role as a mother. Are the things I am doing (or trying to do) a waste of time?  Are my kids even paying attention?  Does it really matter that we have family dinner together every night?  Is it worth it to continue having family scripture study when they fight with one another while we are trying to read? And I often feel as if I neglect my responsibility to help others, and serve those around me.   It reminds me of what Sister Elaine S. Dalton said it General Conference this October:

"Never underestimate YOUR potential for righteous influence."

We can make a difference.  It is the small things, that when put together, make great things.  And particularly, I believe women have the ability to spread love and care and cheer to those around us, and inside our homes.  

This is a little pep talk for myself, at the end of a long day that left me feeling a bit discouraged.

Note to Self...

from my journal September 10...

Even when my kids are hard, I will adore them.

I will LOVE them more.

I will be more patient.  

I will be more hands-on.

I will say YES more often.

I will listen more.

I will be available when they need me.

I will tune-in to them, and tune-out all the distractions of the world

{my computer, my job, books, the phone}

I will remember that they are just kids.

I will have fun with them.

And I will keep reading and remembering this list.

Because I forget sometimes, and need a little reminding.

It's raining, it's pouring...

and I've loved being confined to the house (mostly) today, watching the rain drizzle.  It's our first rain for quite some time and although I must admit I wasn't excited about the moisture at first, I quickly adapted. This is why today was a perfect day:

* Long sleeve shirt, comfy sweats

* 4 hours of spiritual enlightenment and increased faith** (all while cuddling on the couch with The Guy)

* The kids playing quietly with a few friends (but making a BIG mess)

* Homemade minestrone + cornbread = yummy fall food

In other exciting news, Drama Queen is officially a drama queen.  She's been on an acting team that has been preparing to compete in the Shakespeare Competition down in Cedar City.  She left on Thursday and competed Friday and again today.  And she just texted me and told me that her team won!  We are so excited for them.

**some of my favorites were Elder Holland, Elder Oaks (I am sure we'll be doing a lesson in YW on this one), President Uchtdorf (yet again) and President Monson {and the exciting announcement of 5 new temples! Rome!!)  Oh, and sweet Elder Wirthlin.  I felt like this was an especially inspired & powerful day!  I am looking forward to tomorrow!